THE POSITIVITY MINDSET

I’m not even sure how I feel about ‘love’.  It’s a distant thing I have yet to experience still. I’ve come across different versions of ‘love’ that’s for sure, but never have I understood it and that is what scares me. Will I sacrifice all that I am for someone who is so obsessed with self-destruction like alcohol or will I never meet ‘the one’? The one that is supposed to walk into my life, and make everything all right at the end of the day. The one that is supposed to be worth all of the pain and heartache at the end of the day. How can I trust someone to love all the broken pieces of me as a whole, when I don’t even know if I can at times. How can I love someone, when I myself don’t know what love is. Love is a four letter word that has no meaning behind it to me, and I’m scared I’m chasing love and will never meet the right meaning behind it. I’m scared I will settle for second best when somewhere out there is someone that sets my soul on fire. Yes I have been in relationshi...

Every hello ends with a goodbye eventually; whether it be a loved one or a friend, eventually things come up and you just drift apart in a blink of an eye. Have had this happen to me again and again by people who I thought were going to stick around, but eventually left. I've constantly built, torn down, and rebuilt my walls up higher and higher to protect myself from getting hurt. I've become a very guarded person and it now takes me longer to trust people because of what has happened to me in the past. I try to be a positive person, and always try to take something positive out of any situation, but sometimes life just takes you by surprise and throws you a curveball. I build up these high walls to protect myself from the hurt I know is coming in the end. But then there will be just one person that breaks through the tough walls of my heart and for a short time I let it happen, let that person in, trust them 100%, give them everything and more, and become so vulnerable and ...

When I say I want to travel, I don't mean I want to stay at resorts and go on tours with tour guides or buy key chains from souvenir shops. I don't want to be a tourist. When I say I want to travel, I mean I want to explore another country and become a part of it. I want to discover small coffee shops in Germany, Italy and France. I want to walk on beaches in Australia and browse the book stores of England. I want to hike the Great Wall of China and go cliff diving in Hawaii. I want to meet people who aren't like me but people who I can like all the same. I want to take pictures of things and places and people I meet. I want my mind to be in constant awe of life on Earth. I want to see things with new eyes. I want to look at a map and be able to remember how I was transformed by the places I've been to, the things I've seen, and the people I've met. I want to come home and realize that I have not come home whole, but left pieces of my heart in each place I h...

Looking back, I don't think there's an exact day or moment when I came to a realization of what exactly was happening. There was a number of small incidents that led up to the big reveal and when others actually took notice.  It's a constant battle that I have with myself that started in middle school when I was bullied with the way I looked. I just wanted to fit in, to be normal, to be accepted and have friends. I wanted to do that and guess that meant harming myself in order to achieve that. Looking back, I don't think there was an exact date as to when all this started. Each day, I would slowly skip certain meals, not enough that people would notice my intentions, but enough to satisfy the need that what I was doing was helping me achieve my goal. Fast forward to high school, add on large amounts of homework, stress, family issues, minus the food, add the gym and you've got a bad problem. Trying to take care of others meant that I forgot about myself. Gra...

     Often times, people that come into our lives, only come in passing and aren't there to stay by our sides forever. Some come bearing gifts of wisdom, while others are a lesson in disguise. It's often hard to figure out which is which before it's too late. Growing up I have experienced things that not a lot of people go through, and those things have shaped me into the person I am now. I have learned often the hard way, how unjustly people can be at times. But every dark day has a ray of sunshine no matter how bleak it is*.      Growing up throughout middle school and the first couple years of high school made me toughen up to the harsh reality about the saying "best friends forever!" As a child, I always used to think that the friends I made when I was younger, would be the friends I would have till the end of time (or for a very long time). Sad to say that wasn't the case. I think everyone has at least once encountered a person that isn't who th...

When it seems like nothing is going my way or that " it's the worst day ever", just a tiny ray of hope can change my outlook on life in an instant. There are hundreds of thousands of inspiring quotes to never give up, and that is gets better; I've come across these following quotes that definitely describe my perspective on life and who I am as a person :)   Too many flaws to be perfect. Too many blessings to be ungrateful.     This quote just reminds me to keep my feet on the ground, even if my head is way up in the clouds. You should never take anything for granted, cause what comes free to one person, may be someone else's lifetime of hard work. It also reminds me to try and accept my flaws for something as unique to me as my personality :) My flaws are imperfectly perfect and each day is a learning experience trying to accept them for that. Worry Less. Smile More. Be Yourself. Be Grateful. Be Happy.  This quote just sums my personality up in a few sim...

Our generation is so obsessed with the idea of perfection. Society has consumed us with the thought of how we are meant to be. At first it was skinny, now it's thick. What's next? We are influenced by terms that aren't even real words, such as: Thot, Swag, Ratchet. We look up to celebrities that are addicted to fame, money, and drugs. They taught us quotes such as: 'YOLO' and 'Turn Down For What?'. Lyrics have becomes angrier, raunchier, and discriminating. Is this really role model criteria? All I see in high school is a bunch of people that hate each other, pretending to be friends. It is no longer a place to learn. Instead it's about passing, failing, appearances, and who you surround yourself with. High school is hell. A girl cries, people laugh. She thought she could trust him, and now the whole school has seen her naked. A guy lets a girl know how beautiful she is to him - screenshots, tweets, 100 favorites -  all because he sounded "thirs...

I'm still trying to figure out the type of person I want to be, and it's okay if I don't have everything planned out. People ask me what I plan on doing in the future, and it freaks me out sometimes - how people except you to know exactly what you want to do with your life every step of the way. Sometimes I just want to reply that 'I don't even know what my plans are for the next day, how am I supposed to have the rest of my life planned out at such a young age. I'm still growing up, still figuring out what I want to do in life; and the two most important things I've learned so far is that: It's okay not to have everything figured out all at once, and it's okay to make mistakes - even if people don't approve it's okay and that's all that matters to me :) There will always be someone that just isn't going to be fully satisfied with whatever I plan on doing in life, and I'm learning to not care. Naturally I'm a very helpful a...