It's Just a Four Letter Word With No Meaning
I’m not even sure how I feel about ‘love’. It’s a distant thing I have yet to experience still. I’ve come across different versions of ‘love’ that’s for sure, but never have I understood it and that is what scares me. Will I sacrifice all that I am for someone who is so obsessed with self-destruction like alcohol or will I never meet ‘the one’? The one that is supposed to walk into my life, and make everything all right at the end of the day. The one that is supposed to be worth all of the pain and heartache at the end of the day. How can I trust someone to love all the broken pieces of me as a whole, when I don’t even know if I can at times. How can I love someone, when I myself don’t know what love is. Love is a four letter word that has no meaning behind it to me, and I’m scared I’m chasing love and will never meet the right meaning behind it. I’m scared I will settle for second best when somewhere out there is someone that sets my soul on fire.
Yes I have been in relationships in the past, ones that have left me shattered and with my walls up higher protecting my broken heart. Yes, I know there are people that will try to climb up the walls to get to me, some with good intentions and others will bad ones. Sometimes I feel like the walls built are keeping the ones with good intentions, that genuinely care about me out; but I just want to protect myself from the heartbreak I know will eventually come with letting them in. Before I can actually love another being, self love is something I need to work one. And that only comes with time. With time I can heal, with time I can be comfortable with all that is changing without my doing and I can fully immerse myself in all the love I receive. I just have to believe that the people that truly care about me will stick around till then; whenever that will be.
I believe in life you will come across many different types of people, people that are temporary and permanent in your life. And often times it isn't up to you who stays and who goes, leaving your heart all shattered on the floor in a million tiny pieces. I took a class once, don't remember the name but it was something along the lines of Lifetime Relationships or Healthy Lifestyles. In that class I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reason they fell in love. Their lover's once endearing stubbornness has now become a refusal to compromise, and their one track mind is now immaturity. Their bad habits you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes recklessness and irresponsible; their feet up on the dashboard is no longer considered sexy. In time they become a distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
These days, definitely in the my generation its all about physical appearances and just sex. I want something more than the typical "Netflix and chill" scenario. I want to fall in love with my best friend as cheesy as it sounds. I don't want the "goals" all the girls are tweeting about these days. I don't want a boyfriend just for him to pay for everything or get me expensive gifts. I've got my own money for that. What I want instead, is someone that when I'm with him, everything else disappears. He's my paradise, where it's all stress free and nothing else matters. I'm a simple girl with simple needs and wants. You could buy me candy and boom you are my favourite person ever. Simple texts saying you are thinking of me throughout the day will have me with the biggest smile ever on my face for the next 2 days! All I care about is effort and loyalty. All I want is reassurance, that someone will stick through by my side through everything and not leave. I have way too many temporary people in my life and just to have one person that's a constant is all I have ever wanted for the longest time. Hopefully with time I'll get what I wish for.
~Positive Mind~Positive Vibes~Positive Life~
Yes I have been in relationships in the past, ones that have left me shattered and with my walls up higher protecting my broken heart. Yes, I know there are people that will try to climb up the walls to get to me, some with good intentions and others will bad ones. Sometimes I feel like the walls built are keeping the ones with good intentions, that genuinely care about me out; but I just want to protect myself from the heartbreak I know will eventually come with letting them in. Before I can actually love another being, self love is something I need to work one. And that only comes with time. With time I can heal, with time I can be comfortable with all that is changing without my doing and I can fully immerse myself in all the love I receive. I just have to believe that the people that truly care about me will stick around till then; whenever that will be.
I believe in life you will come across many different types of people, people that are temporary and permanent in your life. And often times it isn't up to you who stays and who goes, leaving your heart all shattered on the floor in a million tiny pieces. I took a class once, don't remember the name but it was something along the lines of Lifetime Relationships or Healthy Lifestyles. In that class I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reason they fell in love. Their lover's once endearing stubbornness has now become a refusal to compromise, and their one track mind is now immaturity. Their bad habits you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes recklessness and irresponsible; their feet up on the dashboard is no longer considered sexy. In time they become a distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
These days, definitely in the my generation its all about physical appearances and just sex. I want something more than the typical "Netflix and chill" scenario. I want to fall in love with my best friend as cheesy as it sounds. I don't want the "goals" all the girls are tweeting about these days. I don't want a boyfriend just for him to pay for everything or get me expensive gifts. I've got my own money for that. What I want instead, is someone that when I'm with him, everything else disappears. He's my paradise, where it's all stress free and nothing else matters. I'm a simple girl with simple needs and wants. You could buy me candy and boom you are my favourite person ever. Simple texts saying you are thinking of me throughout the day will have me with the biggest smile ever on my face for the next 2 days! All I care about is effort and loyalty. All I want is reassurance, that someone will stick through by my side through everything and not leave. I have way too many temporary people in my life and just to have one person that's a constant is all I have ever wanted for the longest time. Hopefully with time I'll get what I wish for.
~Positive Mind~Positive Vibes~Positive Life~
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