I'm A Work In Progress
I am an awkward person. On the outside I seem to be completely positive and confident about myself, but that is far from it. I give so many life advices to so many of my friends but I can't seem to fix my own life. I just know how it feels to be sad and depressed, so I always make an extra effort to make others smile and laugh. I want them to feel good about themselves because that is something I can't do. People would never except me to sad because they only see the "happy" and motivating side of me.
I tend to just hide and bottle up my emotions, making sure everyone around me in my life is okay. It sucks sometimes because I spend so much time and effort on others, being there for them and when it's my turn and I need someone, there's no one to turn to. Learned the hard way who my true friends are.
It's a learning process, to love yourself. There are days where I wake up and I just don't want to try and make an effort to smile and make it seem like everything is okay. Just once sometimes when someone asks me if I'm okay and I reply "I'm fine". I want them to look at me and say, "I know you aren't. Tell me what's wrong, I'm here for you". So many times, I just want to stop putting on a mask, hiding everything that is going on behind my high walls and just break down. Being strong and brave takes so much effort and I think is it even worth it at all?
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And then when the negative thoughts consume my thinking, this quote (on the left) always comes to mind. And i try to take the bad situation and turn it into something positive that helps strengthen me. The scars that I have aren't scars of the bad things that have happened to me, but just reminders of the battles I have won and just how strong I really am.
How I see myself first, is more important than how others see me. But with our lives so heavily interconnected and influenced by social media, it's often hard to say that. Other people and what their opinions are, is important to us. And at times it can either be a good or bad thing.It's hard to block out all the negativity at times. No matter how many compliments you get, you'll never forget the insults. People always ask, "Why are you so awkward when others give you compliments?" And it's because growing up bullied in the past, I don't know if people are saying the truth or are just saying that sarcastically, while making fun of me. Whenever someone does compliment me, my walls go up, my guard is up ready to protect myself from the hurtful side comments and I just tend to laugh it off.
But it's a work in progress to accept myself, flaws and all :) Things in the past have changed and shaped me into the person I am today. At times I may not like who I am, but hey I'm trying and it's the effort that counts at the end of the day right?
~Think Positive~Be Positive~And Positive Things Will Happen~XO :)
^^That's the motto I try to live by now no matter how difficult the situation is^^:)
It's a learning process, to love yourself. There are days where I wake up and I just don't want to try and make an effort to smile and make it seem like everything is okay. Just once sometimes when someone asks me if I'm okay and I reply "I'm fine". I want them to look at me and say, "I know you aren't. Tell me what's wrong, I'm here for you". So many times, I just want to stop putting on a mask, hiding everything that is going on behind my high walls and just break down. Being strong and brave takes so much effort and I think is it even worth it at all?
How I see myself first, is more important than how others see me. But with our lives so heavily interconnected and influenced by social media, it's often hard to say that. Other people and what their opinions are, is important to us. And at times it can either be a good or bad thing.It's hard to block out all the negativity at times. No matter how many compliments you get, you'll never forget the insults. People always ask, "Why are you so awkward when others give you compliments?" And it's because growing up bullied in the past, I don't know if people are saying the truth or are just saying that sarcastically, while making fun of me. Whenever someone does compliment me, my walls go up, my guard is up ready to protect myself from the hurtful side comments and I just tend to laugh it off.
But it's a work in progress to accept myself, flaws and all :) Things in the past have changed and shaped me into the person I am today. At times I may not like who I am, but hey I'm trying and it's the effort that counts at the end of the day right?
~Think Positive~Be Positive~And Positive Things Will Happen~XO :)
^^That's the motto I try to live by now no matter how difficult the situation is^^:)
Wow. You're one of the last people I would expect to write a post like this. I mean I don't know you or anything, but from what I've read of this blog you seem very thoughtful and intelligent, and let's be honest, you're very pretty. I can see why people would think you're positive and confident.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I feel down I like to listen to that song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan, it's a peaceful, relaxing song, inspirational.
Anyway, hope your week goes well. I know I'm just a random guy on the internet, but if you ever need to vent I'm always around. I'm a good listener and I've learned some things here and there over my 26 years. Not all of it useful, but some of it. :)
Thank you it means a lot. :) I tend to be a very social outgoing person but sometimes it just takes an extra effort that at times seems like it's wasted.
DeleteI listened to that song and it is now one of my new favorites! I definitely agree, very peaceful and inspirational.
And I will definitely take you up on that venting situation sometimes, same goes for you! Sometimes it's good to get another person's views on things :)