Lasting Effects

A conversation awhile ago with someone sparked this post so bear with me if it sounds like I am rambling and venting...cause I am. Either way enjoy and leave a comment on what you think :)
And if you have not already check out my writing on IG: cagedfeelingss
~Good Vibes Only~
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I look in the mirror every morning and see just the features that make up my face. Two eyes squinting groggily from the lack of sleep, one nose slightly long, two lips puckered up hiding a smile I have grown to despise. There is nothing more to those average features. Yet when he came into my life he brought these features alive. Eyes always shining with mischief, nose constantly smelling flowers for days, and lips swollen from the million kisses rained on them daily. Yet just as quickly as the happiness came, it disappeared too unfortunately. Eyes that were once shining with innocence now turn downwards, the sight of the reflection in the mirror too much to look at for more than what is necessary. Lips smiling rarely, asking how can one say they love the very features on my face yet were not enough for him to not leave. The very face he had once said brought him kneeling wanting to "worship the goddess he had found" was taking in his blunt punches instead. I try so hard not to let what happened in the past define me but it gets me sometimes. I strive to be the girl that is more than her physical appearance. I want someone to fall in love with my intelligence, my personality, anything and everything other than what I look like because it was never enough for the hurt to not occur. How can anyone now love what is broken and too far gone to be fixed? My guard is up, walls surrounding the shattered heart that is left behind. A mess that I am still trying to reshape into something loveable by not just someone else, but myself as well.

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